So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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