Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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