He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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