I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i dont even know how to be here
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
