I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
