If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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