On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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