two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
