Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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