wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
