It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
