I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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