Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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