I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
