a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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