I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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