why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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