Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
