GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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