She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
