People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
