Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
