walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
