Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
