AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
