I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize