nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
