I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He passed out mid-signature
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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