What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
