the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
