Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
