It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
