There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just had sex bonerless
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
