I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
