I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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