He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
