Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
