I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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