He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
