how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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