During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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