she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
