i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
