turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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