i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have post one night stand depression
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
