well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
