im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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