so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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