Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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