No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
