btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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