He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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