Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
